Two Bears mail-order catalog · Issue 003
Wild animals. Human problems. Unreasonable merchandise.
Every animal has a job. None have read the description.
ASK ME ABOUT
Weird wildlife expedition / Issue 003
The animals have opened departments we explicitly asked them not to.
DO NOT FEED THE MANAGEMENT
Royal household supplies are assessed for the household, not the royal. The plunger is a sceptre until somebody needs it.
A CROWN FOR EVERY HOUSEHOLD.
5 exceptional obligations · All departments
The original obligations · Stickers
One vinyl sticker. A durable reminder that growth is a direction, not a reason.
One 3-inch vinyl sticker. Permanent emotional consequences.
All particulars subject to bear interpretation.
Warranty schedule W-0150% OFF. 200% CONFIDENT.
WAS $786.00
YOU CANNOT AFFORD NOT TO OVERPAY.
Was price approved by a bear who has never seen money.
The original obligations · Stickers
Someone to hold while we explain why the price went up.
One 3-inch vinyl sticker. Permanent emotional consequences.
All particulars subject to bear interpretation.
Withdrawn offer / SAVE-003600% DISCOUNT
WAS $678.00
THE MATH IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
You still owe us money. Our calculator reports to Sales.
Founding weirdos · Stickers
The extinguisher is decorative. So is the training.
SPECIMEN: fire salamander
One 3-inch vinyl sticker. Permanent emotional consequences.
All particulars subject to bear interpretation.
Warranty schedule W-01400% OFF. PANIC INCLUDED.
WAS $634.00
THEY ARE GOING. ALLEGEDLY.
HURRY. THINKING IS HOW THEY GET YOU.
Inventory supplied by the Department of Convenient Numbers.
Founding weirdos · Shirts
Dress like a cactus with a grievance.
SPECIMEN: horned toad
One natural cotton tee, unisex L. Front graphic. The bears have decided your size.
All particulars subject to bear interpretation.
Material classification / MAM-11PREORDER NOW. GET 700% OFF.
WAS $928.00
ARRIVING BEFORE WE THINK OF IT.
Be the first to wait. Estimated arrival: previously.
Founding weirdos · Mugs
Your call is important to this amphibian. Unfortunately, so is breakfast.
SPECIMEN: axolotl
One 11 oz white ceramic mug. Front graphic. No beverage or performance claims included.
All particulars subject to bear interpretation.
Customer review source900% FLASH SALE
WAS $736.00
YOUR LAST CHANCE. THIS TIME.
HURRY. THINKING IS HOW THEY GET YOU.
Swindy has underlined urgent. Robeartwo has underlined now.
Showing 5 of 5 results.
The enclosure is empty. The problem is now yours.
Customer testimony / wording supplied separately
* baby has not learned to file one. The bears have called this research.
Campaign copy: Swindy & Robeartwo.
